Party in the Tri-State Area/Stacy's Party
These are two episodes in "Carl's Pop Song Reviews". Carl reviews "Party in the USA" by Suzy Johnson/Miley Cyrus and "Tik Tok" by Stacy Hirano/Kesha. He hates both of them. All of Carl's quotes are from Todd of "Todd in the Shadows." Memorable Quotes in Party in the Tri State Area Carl: You know, there was a time in my life where I could ignore Suzy Johnson. Suzy: (sings the "Hannah Montana/Alexis Texas" theme song) Carl: I knew she was big, I knew she was famous, but I only knew she was famous because I was told she was famous. I saw her in magazine articles, and saw a lot of girls with Alexis Texas t-shirts and backpacks, but I just didn't have the Alexis Texas experience. I had no reason to watch her show, her songs only got played on Radio Disney, I certainly wouldn't have seen her in concert. Let's face it. The only people who are actually exposed to this stuff are wearing training bras, and since I usually don't anymore, I was unaware of who this girl actually was. Sadly, the days of blissful ignorance has passed us by. (a clip of Suzy dancing inappropriately in front of a live audience pops up) Now, I can't even turn on the TV without being assaulted by Disney's favorite pop princess. Carl: So, come with me, as we analyze the next step of Suzy's increasingly awkward transition into womanhood. (a inappropriate picture of Suzy pops up) Carl: Ladies and gentlemen, "Party in the USA" Suzy: I hop off the plane at the LAX, with the dream in my heart again.... Carl: (sighs) Daddy's little girl is all grown up, I see. And now young Miss Johnson has officially completed her transformation from innocent jailbait to potential jailbait. Carl: Okay, here's what the song's about. Suzy gets off the plane to Los Angeles, (sarcastically) but she's such a "naive southern girl", so she feels soooooooo out of place. Suzy: Look to my right and I see the Hollywood sign, this is all so crazy.... Carl: (sarcastically) Because, oh no, she's wearing sneakers. Suzy: (shows Suzy wearing boots in the music video) Like "who's that chick with rockin' kicks".... Carl: Or boots. "Kicks" mean "boots" now, apparently. Carl: But she feels safe again when she hears her favorite song. Suzy: And the Al-Z song is on, and the Al-Z song is on... Carl: Al-Z, huh? Let's try and imagine what AL-Z song little SUZY JOHNSON is listening to... Albert: Cash for ads, (bleep)s (switches songs) (bleep)s to my (bleep)s (switches songs) Let me (bleep) all of your (bleep)s (switches songs) (bleep)s is brand (switches songs) But I don't really give a (bleep), so (switches songs) (bleep) y'all (switches songs) (bleep) critics can kiss my whole (bleep) (switches songs) Bring a blonde, perfectly with the (bleep) (switches songs) Got ninety nine problems but the (bleep) ain't one, hit me! Carl: She's probably listening to Irving, and just imagining him as Al-Z. Suzy: So I put my hands up, they're playing my song, the butterflies fly away, nodding my head like yeah, moving my hips like yeah.... Carl:............ Suzy: Moving my hips my yeah.... Carl: .....That just sounds....filthy. I don't know....(a clip of Candace dancing suggestively and doing suggestive things pops up)....A provacative Candace doesn't faze me, but Suzy can make one reference to her hips, and suddenly, I'm freaked out. Suzy: Nodding my head like yeah, moving my hips like yeah.... Carl: Yeah, that does make me uncomfortable. Suzy: Yeaaaaaaah, it's a party in the USA! Carl: I'm sorry, what? Suzy: (louder) YEAAAAAAAAH, IT'S A PARTY IN THE USA! Carl: Okay, WHY does she sound like this? It's bad enough she looks like a chipmunk, does she have to sound like one, too? True story, when I first heard this song, the DJ said something like, "That was the new hit song, "Party in the USA", by a squirrel falling out of a tree. I mean, Suzy Johnson." I don't really hear DJs insult their own music, but this was bad enough, so I guessed it deserved it. Suzy: So I put my hands up... Carl: (sarcastically) I put my hands up too! (puts his hands up and covers his ears) Carl: This song is bad from the first couple lines, where they force "cardigan" to rhyme with "fit in". And it gets much worse from there, so at this point, it's time to play "Finish The Rhyme". (plays "finish the rhyme" music on his piano) Suzy: This is all so crazy, everybody seems so... Carl: Lazy? Hazy? Al-Z? Albert: (bleep)s! Suzy: This is all so crazy, everybody seems so famous... Carl: (sarcastically) Oh, of course, famous. Let's get ready for round two! Suzy: My tummy's turnin' and I'm feeling kind of homesick, too much pressure and I'm... Carl: Plastic? Dumb chick? Suzy: Too much pressure and I'm nervous... Carl's annotation: HOMESICK=NERVOUS! Carl: If you said "nervous", you're today's winner. Congratulations. Suzy: And the Candace song is on, (a clip of Candace doing provacative things pops up) and the Candace song is ON.... Carl: Okay, I know that I portray Suzy as some innocent, squeaky-clean Disney princess, but am I really supposed to believe that Suzy is some innocent country girl? Suzy: So hard with my girls not around me, it's definitely not a Danville party... Carl: I mean, I know she's from Danville, I know her dad was a country singer, (a clip of Suzy's dad singing pops up)one of the most embarrassing flameouts of country music history, but seriously, Suzy has been a star since she was what, one? I think she knows what L.A. is like. She was probably torturing her brother's girlfriend before she recorded this song. It's not like she's going to arrive to the club and be so surprised that no one's building rollecoasters and stuff. Carl: It doesn't even make sense in the song! She's just a clueless country girl who moves to L.A. and gets cheered up by Al-Z and Candace Flynn!? What!? And speaking of Candace Flynn, wasn't there this other nice girl from Danville who started out on the Disney Channel and then made the transition into inappropriately sexual teen pop? (shows pictures of Candace punching a camera man, shaving her head, and having a mental breakdown) Yeah...take a good look at your future, Suzy, and think really hard. Is that how you want your life to be? Do you really want to sacrifice your prime years to the (bleep) of pop stardom? Even with all the fans and money, your life will be an inevitable train wreck. Is this what you really want? Suzy: Yeaaaaaaah, it's a party in the USA! Carl: I tried, I tried... (episode ends) Memorable Quotes in Stacy's Party Carl: Before we launch into today's episode, I should give you a little background on the singer, Stacy. I can hear you saying, "Wait, I've never heard of this girl "Stacy" before, so anyone that I've never heard of must suck". Well, that is perfectly reasonable, but in fact, you might have actually heard this girl before, and not have realized it. Remember Baljeet's destruction of "You Spin Me Round"? Baljeet: You spin my head right round, right round, when you go down, when you go down, down.... Carl: Yeah....isn't that awful? But do you remember the obnoxious female voice? Stacy: You spin my head right round, right round, when you go down, when you go down, down.... Carl: Yep, that's her. Boy, this episode is looking better and better already. Carl: And if you need to hear more evidence that she sucks, then here it is: SHE SPELLS HER NAME WITH A DOLLAR SIGN! (an unflattering picture of Stacy pops up with a caption that says "$tacy"). Who was the last person to do that? Phineas? (a picture of Phineas pops up with a caption that says "Phinea$") Man, that is not an example that you wanna follow. Carl: Can we look at that picture again? (an unflattering picture of Stacy pops up) Wow. Could they have picked a less appealing picture of her. Were they just unable to find a picture of her that didn't show her looking hungover and about to puke? Carl: Let's just get through this abominous waste of time so I can go watch TV. And...... Stacy: (starts singing the chorus of "Tik Tok") Carl: (starts dancing, then stops).......Um, honestly, I'm really enjoying this song. Maybe I was a bit too negative. This maybe sounds like a Candace Flynn ripoff, but this is a song that I can really dance to. You know what, play this from the beginning. Stacy: (sing-rapping) Wake up in the morning feeling like P.Diddy... Carl: (snorts) What? Stacy: Wake up in the morning feeling like P.Diddy... Carl: So you feel totally forgotten and like no one's cared about you for the past five years? Well, we've all been through that, dearie. Stacy: Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack.... Carl: EW. Was there really no better way to put that? (sarcastically) Do you clear your sinuses with a bottle of Vodka? Do you reapply your contacts with a glass of Budweiser? Stacy: I'm talking pedicures on our toes, toes, trying on all our clothes, clothes... Carl: (in a sarcastic Valley Girl accent) Like totally, for sure! (in his regular voice) Okay, why is she putting on this silly Valley Girl accent? Are we still doing that? Isabella: (with a Valley Girl accent) Omigod, I love it~! Carl: And I thought Francis Monogram and Heinz Doofenshmirtz were out of date pretending to be Valley Girls IN THE EARLY NINETIES. Apparently, Stacy thinks this is some kind of hip thing in 2009......Or maybe that's what she actually sounds like........Oh, no, that's awful. That's terrible! There's one thing from certain teenage girls in Danville that didn't need to come back. Stacy: I'm talking pedicures on our toes, toes... Candace: (in a Valley Girl accent) And I'd like to get my toenails done, and the lady, like, goes... Stacy: Trying on all our clothes, clothes... Candace: (in a Valley Girl accent) I just love going into, like, clothing stores... Stacy: Boys blowing up our phones, phones... Candace: (in a Valley Girl accent) Like, omigod! Carl: Come to think of it, it's a good thing to know where Stacy got the pedicure. Stacy: Pedicures on our toes, toes.... Carl: I'm starting to get the feeling that Stacy's the kind of girl that, if you don't clarify that for her, she'll try to get pedicures on her eyeballs or something. Stacy: Tryna' get a little bit tipsy..... Carl: (sarcastically) WOW! IT'S LIKE CANDACE FLYNN, EXCEPT WITH SEVERE BRAIN DAMAGE!..........SO, IT'S LIKE CANDACE FLYNN! Stacy: But we kick them to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger.... Carl: ....huh? Okay......(shows a picture of Mick Jagger)......I guess that does it for you......I mean, Mick Jagger is a legendary ladies' man, but not for his looks. Carl: How much do you wanna bet that half the song's fanbase doesn't even know who Mick Jagger is? Carl: Hey, can we back up the song a bit? Stacy: And now the dudes are lining up cause they hear we got swagger, but we kick them to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger.... Carl: (sarcastically) Hey, Al, did you see those girls over there? I've heard they've got "swagger"! (pretends to be Albert) They've got swagger, huh? Well, Carl, I'm always looking for a girl with "swagger". Let's hope we're ugly, mishaped, and frog-like enough for her! Stacy: I'm talking 'bout everybody getting crunk, crunk, boys tryna touch my junk, junk.... Carl: (groans) I don't know where you're from, Stacy, but where I'm from, "junk" has a very different meaning. (shows a picture of Ferb wearing a Speedo) I know what she's trying to say, I just wish that she found a different way to say it. (in a Valley Girl accent) Barf me out! Carl: Is every line of this song bad? Can we go back to the chorus? I like that part. And to be honest, the shine's coming off that, too. Look at this. Stacy: Tonight, imma fight, till we see the sunlight... Carl: Does "fight" mean "dance" now? Since when? I thought you were going to a nightclub, not a fight club. Stacy: Now, now we're going 'till they kick us out, out, and the police shut us down, down, and the police shut us down, down, and the police shut us down.... Carl: Come on! Just repeating yourself now? What's the matter? Couldn't come with a word that rhymes with down? Baljeet: (singing) Are you down, down, down, down, down? Down, down, even if the sky is falling down..... Carl: Apparently. Stacy: And the police shut us down, down..... Carl: (in a sarcastically Valley Girl accent) Like, omigod, I can't believe the police shut us down, cha~! Stacy: You build me up, you break me down, my heart, it pounds, yeah you got me... Annotation: OBLIGATORY SWEET-SOUNDING BRIDGE Carl: This bridge is nice, but it doesn't exactly fit in with the other inappropriate lyrics here. Carl: This is a frustrating song for me, it's fun, it's dancey, it's catchy, but oh god, that voice, those lyrics, they're just killing it for me. Stacy is just beating you over the head with that obnoxious persona that is obnoxious, annoying, spoiled, rich, bratty, a (bleep)....I'm not asking for my dance music to be intelligent, but I don't want it to beat me over the head with its vapidness. Didn't we not let Gretchen get a singing career for this reason? Carl: All the WRONG people are laughing WITH this, not AT this. This just comes off "Oh my god, it's my song! Yeah, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack, tee-hee-hee-hee-hee". No, no, no! Carl: In future "Girls Gone Wild" videos, "Tik Tok" by Stacy will be playing somewhere. And if you look at the "Girls Gone Wild" videos of the past, you'll probably find Stacy. (An unflattering pic of Stacy pops up with a caption that says "$tacy Gone Wild") And that is like, totally, all I have to say about this, so let's wrap this up. Stacy: Tik tok, i'm the clock, but the party don't stop no.... Carl: Yes it does! Stacy: (giggles at the end of the song) Carl: (sarcastically) Tee-hee-hee-hee-hee. (in his regular voice) Shut up. (episode ends) Trivia *The creator has both these songs on her iPod, but might take "Party in the USA" off her iPod. *Al-Z is Albert. His rap name is a parody of Jay-Z. *Candace is the Britney Spears counterpart in this series. *The creator does not hate Stacy, Carl does *When the creator first heard "Tik Tok", she thought it was horrible. Now, she thinks it's okay. *The creator thinks "Party in the USA" is a "meh" song. Category:Stories by Tpffan5196 Category:Fanon Works Category:Stacy Hirano Category:Songs Sung By Suzy Johnson Category:Fan-Fiction Episodes Category:Reviews Category:Carl